R.    & nbsp;   &n bsp;  I.    & nbsp;   &n bsp;   P.

nothing to say about it. no words can express the feeling of making the wrong choices and seeing two girls slip out of your reach. last night i felt something i have only felt once before. and it scared me so much going back there.

why do we make the choices we do. sorry..

deepest love for my girls

Genie's Opinion

well since this job at CRS is coming to a stop and i'm loaded up with enough money to pay off my uni debt up to this point. i decided that i'm going back to uni to catch up.. and i'm going back to work at the pool.. i love swimming and so why not get paid to play around by the pool all day.. oh its only 2 days a week or 3.. depending on how much uni stuff i have.. it will keep me entertained instead of running a muck >_< hehe..

ok your probly thinking.. oh yeh.. long blonde hair, tan, big rack and red swimmers..  .. well your almost right. the swimmers are black :P

i'm feeling not too bad about it.. apart from some other stuff that drove my mood right into the ground but thats for another time

last night my step dad had and my 23 year ols cousin had a fight.. first my cousin assaulted me in the afternoon.. which i got over because hes just a f###wit .. but anyway.. mum went to work. and asked them could they both pack half the dishwasher each... goodness if they didnt have a full blown brawl. winding each other, rolling around on the floor, ripping each others shirts and breaking plates and stuff... i called the cops and got them both put in lock up for the night.. because i had to drive to sydney and couldnt trust the pair to not destroy the house and put blood everywhere.. gotta keep my little brothers best interests at heart even if it means getting them offside by getting them imprisoned.. stupid bastards.. in the morning.. mother went off her head at them.. it was so funny.. shes like "do i have to get a babysitter for a 40yo and a 23yo everytime i leave.. well bugger that sh#t" .. they are running on their last chances..  

anyway at work this morning.. my boss aint here.. she cancelled alll her appointments and shes sick.. so my day will revolve around chatting on messenger and taking myself on an extremely long lunch break

i'm sure to be back on before the day is through.. oh that is if i dont get too busy.. LMAO

Genie's Opinion

oh my god. the whole world expects me to be everything.. not just one person but every person...

i try so hard to make everyone happy. i do what everyone tells me and tries so hard to be the best person i can. i just want the ppl i care about to see my as worthy and as me.
everyone wants me to be someone new.. why cant anyone love me for me.. i am not that broken am i..

anyone who does wrong by me or hurts me. i forgive straight away.. i just want everything to be calm and nice... as soon as i do one little thing its the end of the world and everything crashes down around me..

in life i'm not a greedy person i dont ask for anything.. actually i ask for nearly nothing except to be most important baby girl. thats all i need. and i never felt most important. no one has ever been on my side for anything. i have to fight everythign by myself. i know its good to make you stronger.. but i dont know whats left if i will forever feel last choice or 4th choice or 3th important.. i dont think i've ever been the 2nd most important thing to anyone

i'm not feeling sorry for my self i am just logging in my diary the things i feel. the underlying issues. i mean my dad left me.. puts himself and everyone around him before me or what i've ever needed.  my exboyfriends .. there friends came first, then their family, then their car, then their work, then their sport then me..

how can anyone tell me that i am high maintenance.. the only thing in this world i am lacking at the moment is respect and to feel important..
i thought i found it.. the first person that really let me be me.. someone who really cared and could give me something i've never had.. but it seems to me they dont have it in them.. to give me that..
they cant see that they are tearing my hopes apart everytime they turn their back.

they know i need them. but they cant see i want them too. them just them noone else.. they have the heart and soul to make me go weak.. but its my fault that i cant be perfect.. noone can!

ok its time that i stop. i think that maybe i should put a password on my blog. because if a couple of ppl read this they are gunna be angry at me but this is my diary.. my thoughts..

Genie's Opinion

today i had two inital assessments. now my hand hurts. 2 females. one with anxiety and depression. one with back pain. both were uncooperative and avoided my questions. it was a pain.. i felt like hitting them over the head with a book til they answered the damn questions.. hahaha ok i've vented now i feel better.

last night i went for a swim.. this guy tried to touch me in the pool.. i was highly unimpressed. the pool was busy and he asked could he share my lane i said yeh sure.. and then i was at the end of the pool having a rest and he swam up and put his hand on my arse and tried to run his hands around the front of my thigh. i was highly unimpressed..

i mean yeh if he wanted to ask my out on a date then i wouldnt have been so repulsed by him but he cant just put his hands all over me.. yuk..
sorry Capn. it wasnt my fault. i got out and and found a different lane.

oh yeh. i am highly annoyed at another thing.. i went to the post office to send a parcel.. originally it was just paper in the enveope and was going to cost me $1.60 then i promised someone that i'd put something that wasnt paper in the envelope and suddenly it was a parcel not a envelope and cost me $13.00 ... arghhhhhhhh...
i'm not angry at the person for asking. but i should have realised it was going to cost me so much.. *sighs* ohwell

phew.. now i'm calm.. hehe breathes slowly.. ahhh..

~happy @ happy @ happy @ happy @ happy @ happy @ happy @ happy @ happy @ happy @ happy @ happy @ happy @ happy @ happy @ happy @ happy @ happy @ happy @ happy @ happy @ happy @ happy @ happy @ happy @ happy @ happy @ happy @ happy @ happy @ happy @ happy~

lol

Genie's Opinion

my friend had a baby last week and i only found out now because i've been away but he sent me a photo in my email box. cant wait to see the baby..

its a girl ... born 6lbs 14oz and is named Evelyn Grace Parkes

she is tiny and beautiful.

everyone say awwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww ww :P

Genie's Opinion

my dad sent me an email.. he says that he bought a 2 week old staffy pup.. the photo of it is ok.. i dont like staffys i'm a german shepard girl but thats ok. its at his house not mine.. he is so happy about it and cant wait for me to get home so he can give me the whole story.. he has a rottweiler.. why he needs a new dog i have no idea.. anyway its all good..

ok so the weekend was ok.. i was kind of on a downer because of issues that came up.. i know that a certain someone would most definitely kill me if i wrote down everything that was said. and all i felt. so it looks like i'm gunna have to bottle up my emotions on that..

just wanna say that i feel i am vulnerable in sme situations. and my love can blind whats happening in front of me.. i just hope i make the right decisions in the case of forgiveness and hope that i dont get taken advantage of and walked over.

i am in a hurry.. will write more soon

Genie's Opinion

woohoooo.... nearly time to leave.. cant wait to get home.. 1 week on this job and it has been highly uneventful

oh lunch was beautiful.. i loveeee pad thai.. mmmmm yummy. we gave bec heaps of presents. she is going on 4 weeks leave  to get married.. we gave her everything she will need for her weeding night and honey moon.. hehe.. this her email to me and rebecca..

"Where to start....I'm feeling a little emotional and overwhelmed now. Not a good look to start blubbering at my desk, so much better I think to email a heartfelt thank you to everyone (yes, I am getting a little mushy and sentimental). Feeling very lucky to have landed in this job with such a great bunch of people that have fast become friends.....so thank you for the lunch, amazing pressies, and  assistance with honeymoon/bedroom advice. I will be blushing for the rest of the day. - Bec"

oh how lovely. anyway.. i did an assessment this afternoon.. sent the guy for a run up and down the stairs.. thats it..

anyway. i'm gunna go soon cya later tonight

i tried to write a blog about 10 minutes ago but it shut for fixing stupid program anyway. this is what it said

nothing exciting happening, everyones quiet,

called dad this morning chatted for ages lucky my boss didnt come in.. hehe

went for a swim was late for work, having a bad ady already scratched my self on 4 different objects this morning.. i got water in my ear.. client hasnt turned up. going home tonight for the weekend

my spelling is crap this morning

still got a sore throat

and i noticed that capn hasnt messaged me today.. :( i hope he is ok and thinking about me. miss him muchly

gotta go

Genie's Opinion

hmm.. i just got an email.  i have to go for 2 days next fortnight and update my critical care first aid for mental health.. that will be exciting.. not..  ohwell free lunch and two days off work. cant complain too much

i was just about a job for my boss and type up a document to keep me occupied but i'm not allowed to. thats an admin job.. blah blah.. ohwell.. i'll go back to colouring all the post its in highlighter.

Genie's Opinion

gee i have nothing to do.. thats why i have become addicted to the blog again. maybe because when i'm onhere and ppl walk past it looks i'm busy and because when big brother monitors my sites i am allowed to get on here without it cutting me off.. so here i am again.

my throat hurts and my nose is starting to hurt to.. i think i need a good nap and some cough medicine.. yay.. only 3 hours till finish time. i have an assessment to do if the guy turns up.. oh he has cancwlled appoinmwnts in the past so the likelihood of him doing it again is high.. anyway we will see

had lunch mmmm... soy and linseed bread with chicken, baby spinach, cucumber, tomatio, onion, parsley, basil, oil, balsamic vinegar, cheese and mustard.. alllllllll the good foods.. make ya healthy and strong.. we had lunch outside today. it was sunny and warm.. it felt nice.. there is another girl that came home from holidays and she is here today thats nice..

its weird ... everyone here including me is blonde.. hehe seen that movie stepford wives.. its a conspiracy i tell u.. lololol... now i'm becoming paranoid and delusional.. haha.

ok i'm gunna get out of here.. not much doing it in the world of the office..

i wonder if i can find where they put that air horn..or some balloons.. i miss my sneaky trickster ways.. haha.. :P

Genie's Opinion

well well well aday in the life of me.. oh god still counting down the days till i get to leave.. i want my home..

went to swim training and i could hardly do it all.. i got a pinch in my side. it wasnt good.. i think me and my boss might go to the gym this afternoon that would be good.

someone filled my desk entirely with garfield stuff.. big toys and pictures and i dont understand why.. theres a big poster in the middle that says "its hard to be humble when you are as great as i am" it made me laugh i dont think i'm that good gees.. ohwell. it was funny.

think i might go find something to do.. eep..i'm so tired

hmm..  this afternoon didnt bring about anything exciting.. i had lunch and fiddled around with the files. pretending to write stuff down.

in the store room i found an air horn to a got it and ran into the kitchen room and honked it.. it was quite funny. everyone thinks i'm a dag but i'm going crazy here..

i stuck little stickers on this and a big smiley sticker on my folder. it says keep on smiling and its shiny and holographic. its pretty.. i photocopyed some stuff that was personal related

now i'm about to leave an hour and 1/4 early. they wont miss me

Genie's Opinion

well last night i went the video shop on the way home and got out the dvd Million Dollar Baby.. it was really good.. it made me cry.. its a boxing movie and my dad told me to watch it when i got a chance so i did

this morning i put up the first two posters in my jobgroup overhaul.. i got the thumbs up from the clients so thats great.

a client came in this morning and i asked if i could take it. anyway i did.. he is a 22year old with an acquired brain injury. he fell 6.5 meters off a balconey onto concrete.. he miracuolous can walk and wishes to get driver training and return to work.. he is sueing the company so i have an appointment to speak to his lawyer about the rehab plan. he is wonderful client.. we had the intial interview and that went for about 30 minutes...

its lunch time now.. wow what a busy morning i had..  i deserve a break :P...

didnt swim this mornign it was shut.. but will go to training after work. :)

See you soon.. probly this afternoon..

Genie's Opinion.

hey hey

today i got up extra early and went for a long swim.. had a shower then went to work.. i turned up this morning came onlione.. did nothing of anything much. then we had a staff meeting i [present my project that i have created. because i'm arty and so bored i've decided to create a projedt of beautifying and reorganising the job group room.. hopefully now it will be less store room like and more inspirational..

i havent done much else. i did a functional capacity evaluation where i made my cliebnt walk 6 kilometers then lift weights and carry things so i test his reuturn to work fitness. he has tennis elbow and lower back pain.. anyway.. he past and is fit for work.. signed off on his papers and that was the end of that..

spent the afternoon chatting to random ppl that entered and staffroom.. then i started drawing plans up for my room rearrangement project.. lol

Genie's Opinion

ok its the mid afternoon of my first day at this job. that is working for the workers comp doing case managing for injured return to work clients. however i have no clients scheduled for today therefoer i have basically spent 8 hours spinning around on my chair doing absolutely nothing

i wish that i was able to use messanger.. i was lucky enough that this program would open.

i assume tomorrow i will have one client along with a staff meeting. office jobs are the most boringest things. especially when there is nothing to do.. wow high pay for sittign on your ass.. lolol... i spose it cant be that bad.

when ppl say that they can have a sleep under their desk and get away with it. they are so right.. the only constructive thing i've done all day is have lunch.. and it was an extra long lunch too...

i cant wait to finish work. therefore will be able to go swimming.. because i am away from home i wont have a trainer but i should be able to motivate myself..

sorry i cant get on winmx. hopefully capn will erad my blogs and therefore not miss me too much.

Genie's Opinion